valium in israel
It's been a long week.
A little over a week ago, we had just moved apartments (what a balagan), Matan was running a fever for over 3 days, Sivan was acting up a lot (that hasn't quite cooled down yet), and I was beginning to get very stressed. I write this entry because I, as a psychology teacher, know what stigma mental disorders have, and at the least, I can do my part in not being afraid to talk about my experience.
I am prone to depression/anxiety. The last bout was after I gave birth to Matan and it wasn't pretty. I experienced anxiety attacks for the first time in my life, and could barely eat, could barely sleep, and was all together pretty miserable. I went on zoloft and it passed quickly. About 9 months later, I went off of zoloft.
There is no doubt I am high strung and run anxious/emotional. It's my nature. But there is a difference between that and not being able to function. And the latter is what happened this week. I started waking up with stomach aches, my heart racing, and as I described it to Adam, "I feel like I'm about to go on stage to talk to a millions of people...and that feeling goes on for hours". It is horrible, but fortunately, Adam has been really understanding. I could barely function in the mornings, and then by evening it would get better. By Wednesday, I couldn't handle it anymore, and went to urgent care, and got myself a prescription for anti-anxiety (valium). They did an EKG and urine test to rule out anything else, but I'm pretty convinced it's all anxiety. I've only taken a little here and there, but it's been a really really really hard week. Today is the first morning that I was able to function (and didn't take medication) in almost a week. And so I'm sitting in a bagel cafe, with a cup of tea which I haven't yet drunk, and hoping to get through the morning and actually eat something. Anxiety sure does help you diet.
Adam has been so amazingly sympathetic--he has experienced this before, although he is much stronger than me. I was begging for medication, whereas he tends to resist ever taking anything.
Yesterday, I was talking to this woman and mentioned what was going on and she said that she started having it when she weaned her children. Matan has been nursing, but recently, he really doesn't get any milk. He stays on for about 2 seconds and that's it. I think he's finally self-weaning--he uses me as a pacifier, but in the last couple weeks it's like he's stopped trying to get milk. I then did some research and found that some women begin experiencing anxiety/depression/panic attacks with the post-weaning hormonal changes. So I think this is what might have started it all this week. At least I'm hoping that's what it is and that as my hormones go back to whereever they were that things will stabilize.
In any case, to tell you the truth, I'm ready to get home and feel the comfort of home...when you feel sick it's really hard to be somewhere else.
But I'll tell you one story which sort of highlights the uniqueness of Israel. I went to the pharmacy before I went to urgent care to see if there was something they could give me to stop it. Adam was with me, and when I got to the pharmacist, in a very mature fashion, I started bawling uncontrollably about how bad I felt and how i needed help. He gave me some vitamin/herbal stuff (which frankly I think was totally a placebo,but whatever) and told me I'd have to see a doctor for anything stronger. In the meantime, this woman brings me water and asks me if I want a chair (as if they've never seen anyone crying before). As I'm leaving the store, the same woman pulls me over and asks me what's wrong and I just start crying again. She then pulls me aside and blesses me and says some psalm for me, and then takes my name and says she will daven for me. Israel is not a place you can cry without interference. :)
Below are the pictures from the Maccabiah volleyball game (you can see below Sivan posing with the Israeli national team--they loved her)
A little over a week ago, we had just moved apartments (what a balagan), Matan was running a fever for over 3 days, Sivan was acting up a lot (that hasn't quite cooled down yet), and I was beginning to get very stressed. I write this entry because I, as a psychology teacher, know what stigma mental disorders have, and at the least, I can do my part in not being afraid to talk about my experience.
I am prone to depression/anxiety. The last bout was after I gave birth to Matan and it wasn't pretty. I experienced anxiety attacks for the first time in my life, and could barely eat, could barely sleep, and was all together pretty miserable. I went on zoloft and it passed quickly. About 9 months later, I went off of zoloft.
There is no doubt I am high strung and run anxious/emotional. It's my nature. But there is a difference between that and not being able to function. And the latter is what happened this week. I started waking up with stomach aches, my heart racing, and as I described it to Adam, "I feel like I'm about to go on stage to talk to a millions of people...and that feeling goes on for hours". It is horrible, but fortunately, Adam has been really understanding. I could barely function in the mornings, and then by evening it would get better. By Wednesday, I couldn't handle it anymore, and went to urgent care, and got myself a prescription for anti-anxiety (valium). They did an EKG and urine test to rule out anything else, but I'm pretty convinced it's all anxiety. I've only taken a little here and there, but it's been a really really really hard week. Today is the first morning that I was able to function (and didn't take medication) in almost a week. And so I'm sitting in a bagel cafe, with a cup of tea which I haven't yet drunk, and hoping to get through the morning and actually eat something. Anxiety sure does help you diet.
Adam has been so amazingly sympathetic--he has experienced this before, although he is much stronger than me. I was begging for medication, whereas he tends to resist ever taking anything.
Yesterday, I was talking to this woman and mentioned what was going on and she said that she started having it when she weaned her children. Matan has been nursing, but recently, he really doesn't get any milk. He stays on for about 2 seconds and that's it. I think he's finally self-weaning--he uses me as a pacifier, but in the last couple weeks it's like he's stopped trying to get milk. I then did some research and found that some women begin experiencing anxiety/depression/panic attacks with the post-weaning hormonal changes. So I think this is what might have started it all this week. At least I'm hoping that's what it is and that as my hormones go back to whereever they were that things will stabilize.
In any case, to tell you the truth, I'm ready to get home and feel the comfort of home...when you feel sick it's really hard to be somewhere else.
But I'll tell you one story which sort of highlights the uniqueness of Israel. I went to the pharmacy before I went to urgent care to see if there was something they could give me to stop it. Adam was with me, and when I got to the pharmacist, in a very mature fashion, I started bawling uncontrollably about how bad I felt and how i needed help. He gave me some vitamin/herbal stuff (which frankly I think was totally a placebo,but whatever) and told me I'd have to see a doctor for anything stronger. In the meantime, this woman brings me water and asks me if I want a chair (as if they've never seen anyone crying before). As I'm leaving the store, the same woman pulls me over and asks me what's wrong and I just start crying again. She then pulls me aside and blesses me and says some psalm for me, and then takes my name and says she will daven for me. Israel is not a place you can cry without interference. :)
Below are the pictures from the Maccabiah volleyball game (you can see below Sivan posing with the Israeli national team--they loved her)
"Go Yoe S A"
Matan got through the experience eating Bisli all the time.
A week later: I feel great now. That was a rough week...glad it's over!!!
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