"It's just a phase"
A couple people have told me "it's just a phase" over the last couple days after hearing about my exhausting trials in parenting. If this keeps up, I’ll be calling super nanny. I now publicly admit a few things.
1). I acted like I knew what I was talking about when I lectured on parenting in Psychology. I have a feeling this summer’s lecture will go a little differently. “Well, class, I’m not sure what to tell you…”
2). My daughter is stronger than I am.
I don’t think I’d change a thing about her. She is feisty, strong, and lovable. Okay, I do wish she slept as much as other babies. I’m now discovering you have to walk on eggshells. Wait, no…glass? In any case, you gotta walk on something very carefully with everything you do. I decide, it’s time to start teaching Sivan to spit her toothpaste. She loved making the funny sound. But then today, this transferred to her ever plummeting “high chair manners”. She spit. I said no, and took the food away. She spit again. I said no. I tried to explain: spitting happens in the bathroom, not in the chair. I think that is when she spit in my face. Then tonight at dinner, it was non-stop education. Yes. No. Don’t touch. No, don’t dump. No, don’t throw. What do you want? Say please. Why are you crying? Say what you want. Okay you’re done. Yes, I will get you more cheese. No. You’re done. No, don't touch the trash.
I guess what I’m saying is nothing new to anyone who has been a parent. But let me just say—it’s totally new to me. You can’t take a second break from parenting (please dont' say "I told you so"). You go to the kitchen to make her her pasta (it’s not like I’m going to feed myself!) and she decides to dump all the food on the floor. Then she throws a fit when something isn’t presented correctly. I’m running around in circles trying to please her and…well, I guess this is why a psych book said parenting a toddler is like white water rafting. To tell you the truth, I think tonight I would have rather been white water rafting. I think parenting Sivan is like white water rafting without the raft. Or a guide. Or a map. I'm not sure there was even much water in the river today.
It occurred to me tonight this is going to go on. No, you can’t smoke. No, you can’t come home at midnight. No, you can’t borrow the car. Is this it? At 17 months, have I now become the person to rebel against for life?
So, as far as news in our life goes (as if anyone reads this), Adam bought a house. I have only seen pictures but it looks really nice. I must admit, I’m not sure if I will be able to keep up with a house since as I look around this apartment, I see newspapers strewn everywhere and dirty dishes that I gotta go deal with. Moving sucks. Adam leaves in June and I leave 2 months later (because I’m teaching). I truly hope this stage miraculously ends in three weeks, but I have a feeling it’s only going to get a lot worse.
I think what I really need to hear is “it’s just a stage” over and over and over. Particularly this summer when it’s me, sivan, my work, and a house to pack up.
And yes, I know all people want is pictures. But maybe I just have to vent.
1). I acted like I knew what I was talking about when I lectured on parenting in Psychology. I have a feeling this summer’s lecture will go a little differently. “Well, class, I’m not sure what to tell you…”
2). My daughter is stronger than I am.
I don’t think I’d change a thing about her. She is feisty, strong, and lovable. Okay, I do wish she slept as much as other babies. I’m now discovering you have to walk on eggshells. Wait, no…glass? In any case, you gotta walk on something very carefully with everything you do. I decide, it’s time to start teaching Sivan to spit her toothpaste. She loved making the funny sound. But then today, this transferred to her ever plummeting “high chair manners”. She spit. I said no, and took the food away. She spit again. I said no. I tried to explain: spitting happens in the bathroom, not in the chair. I think that is when she spit in my face. Then tonight at dinner, it was non-stop education. Yes. No. Don’t touch. No, don’t dump. No, don’t throw. What do you want? Say please. Why are you crying? Say what you want. Okay you’re done. Yes, I will get you more cheese. No. You’re done. No, don't touch the trash.
I guess what I’m saying is nothing new to anyone who has been a parent. But let me just say—it’s totally new to me. You can’t take a second break from parenting (please dont' say "I told you so"). You go to the kitchen to make her her pasta (it’s not like I’m going to feed myself!) and she decides to dump all the food on the floor. Then she throws a fit when something isn’t presented correctly. I’m running around in circles trying to please her and…well, I guess this is why a psych book said parenting a toddler is like white water rafting. To tell you the truth, I think tonight I would have rather been white water rafting. I think parenting Sivan is like white water rafting without the raft. Or a guide. Or a map. I'm not sure there was even much water in the river today.
It occurred to me tonight this is going to go on. No, you can’t smoke. No, you can’t come home at midnight. No, you can’t borrow the car. Is this it? At 17 months, have I now become the person to rebel against for life?
So, as far as news in our life goes (as if anyone reads this), Adam bought a house. I have only seen pictures but it looks really nice. I must admit, I’m not sure if I will be able to keep up with a house since as I look around this apartment, I see newspapers strewn everywhere and dirty dishes that I gotta go deal with. Moving sucks. Adam leaves in June and I leave 2 months later (because I’m teaching). I truly hope this stage miraculously ends in three weeks, but I have a feeling it’s only going to get a lot worse.
I think what I really need to hear is “it’s just a stage” over and over and over. Particularly this summer when it’s me, sivan, my work, and a house to pack up.
And yes, I know all people want is pictures. But maybe I just have to vent.
Comments
Thank you for venting. There are many faithful blog readers who want to know what is going on with you, Sivan, Adam, and even Tsipi - the good, bad, and ugly. That is the beauty of life! Since I am completely ignorant as a non-parent, I feel no guilt in saying: 'It's a stage, it's a stage, it's a stage......repeat'. I bet her particular areas of rebellion are a stage.....especially the spitting! Hang in there. You are doing an awesome job! Make sure to keep this blog going so that Sivan can one day fully appreciate how much her mommy loved her as a toddler. ;-)
It is a stage and it will get better. This is the stage you show her you are the boss and not the other way around. It is difficult and it is even more difficult being a single parent- I can completely relate- TWO kids, a more than full time job and confined to one room. Unfortunately for me, it's not two months, it's been two years. Damn.
She is in a very active stage- she will calm down and be your sweet little girl again. I promise. You can do it. If you need advise- call me. You will be fine. This will not last forever.
Lina
It is interesting that you would write about this because I often think I would be better at behavior modification if I remembered my psychology. :) If only!
As hard as it is, I would say you have to be willing to stick to your guns at meal time. She is old enough now to understand a consequence, you just have to know that she will be okay if you follow through. Someone I know used to say "you are telling me you are done with your lunch" when bad behavior began. I would also make only one plate. As much as you want to please and get them to eat, offering multiple items at each meal is not a great road to go down. We tried it for a while until Faye was about 3 and I was about to lose my mind every meal. With the go ahead from the doc, I stopped and Faye quickly learned not to ask for "something else."
And when all else fails, know she is just testing and it will pass. We have had many phases like that so far, and all were great learning experiences and all passed.
Lots of love and luck! Call if you need to vent.
Love,
Shannon
Ow- if I could give you great advices like everyone wrote here- I would, but I can't. My little princess is barely 11 months- but I can see the begining of what you describe (No!Noam ! don't scratch mommy in the face/mouth/gums/neck! It hurts! No! don't tear my favorite book, etc')BUT- First- Venting is very important- and when Adam is not around- everything must be 10 times difficult. But-from What I know about you- you are a great loving mother and I know you can make it-and remember- all mothers go through the same stages, and live through it!You have to remember that and keep writing, venting,and keep your uniqe sense of healthy humor- because it helps not only in your life-but in ours too!!
GOOD LUCK!!